


The Red Thread of Fate

by CrabbyMaiden



Series: Puns for the Soul [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Underfell, And sweaty, Black Holes Don't Suck, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Love at First Sight, Nervous Sans is Nervous, Philosophical ramblings, Reader is a history buff, Red Thread of Fate, Romance, Sans is a nerd too, Short Sans, Soulmates, Underfell Sans, Writer Crab Hijinks, You're a nerd, reader is female
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-01-15 11:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12319935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrabbyMaiden/pseuds/CrabbyMaiden
Summary: Sometimes, you end up in the right place at the right time. In this case: you end up taking shelter in a bar and find your soulmate. How convenient!My take on an Underfell/Soulmate AU as I try out a new writing style.





	1. A Human Walks Into a Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! I hope you enjoy my little spin on a Soulmate AU featuring our favorite sweaty skell!  
> This is my first time writing in 2nd person POV, as I like to challenge myself with different styles to keep me on my toes. I thought it worked out rather well~
> 
> Please enjoy~

You were the prettiest thing Sans had ever seen.

 

Now, he had never been much for the hype around soulmates: he was observant enough to see the occasional couple suddenly get together purely because "their souls said to". It seemed like a crock of shit to him: love at first sight? _Ha!_  More like dead weight that would just expose a weak spot to your enemies. That's how _morons_  got dusted and he sure as hell wasn't keen on the possibility of having to watch his back along with whatever idiot that he might get saddled with.

 

So needless to say, he wasn't fond of the idea. He also doubted that it would ever happen to him, or if it did, he would just have to break the other party's heart so that they would leave and never bother him again. No, he'd rather hit himself with a Gaster Blaster than be tied down, therefore making the concept of _soulmates_  just a ridiculous idiom for fools to explain why they couldn't keep their hands to themselves.

 

Naturally, the stars had a different thing in mind the dreary evening he decided to spend at Grillby's, nursing a bottle of mustard as he glared at anything and everything.

 

The moment you had walked into the bar that night, looking like a drowned dog from the torrential downpour that night; he knew that he had to meet you. His very soul fluttered and pounded against his chest at the sight of you, standing at the door and flinging water everywhere with a dour frown and _goddamn it_  that pouty look was too fucking cute. It should have been illegal, the way you were making his nihilistic, grouchy self feel just from looking at you.

 

When you pushed your hand through your soaked hair, his bony fingers twitched to do the same. Seeing you remove your jacket to reveal the simple red blouse underneath made his magic stutter throughout his body and the black pencil skirt only made you look more attractive and sophisticated. He couldn't figure out any other reason a professional looking woman like yourself would be in a sketchy monster bar like this than you were trying to escape the rain.

 

You stood with perfect posture that only accented your lovely features and his eyes naturally roamed up and down your frame with less-than-pure thoughts. The only way to describe the wonder that was coursing through him was to compare it to the feeling of seeing the stars for the first time: breathtaking with a hint of adoration.

 

Sans wasn't sure what the hell was going on with him to make him suddenly act like a lovestruck idiot, but he didn't give a damn as he watched you look around thoughtfully. He had never seen you before and on any other occasion, he wouldn't have even given you the time of day but _his soul_  was literally drawn to you for whatever reason. It made you the most beautiful thing he had ever seen or ever _will_  see and he was quickly becoming enthralled by you.

 

_fuck._  The curse smacked the inside of his skull with the realization that his vow to break his soulmate's heart was soundly flying out the window.

 

He could just feel the beads of sweat forming along his temples as a million thoughts blasted through his head: should he go introduce himself? Should he play it cool and wait to see what you were doing?

 

_should i just grab 'er and run?_

 

Wait. No. That last idea, no matter how tempting, would have been a horrible idea. Absolutely awful. Monumentally ter- _oh shit oh shit oh shit!!_

 

His entire body tensed as you approached the bar, panic and awe hitting him like a sack of bricks as you worked your way through the bar patrons. You stepped carefully, dodging drunks and flirts alike until you came to the bar to wait patiently to be noticed by Grillby. The purple flame monster purposefully ignored you, of course, and busied himself with the regulars down at the end, but you didn't seem to mind.

 

You even cast a curious glance towards Sans, who, in turn, accidentally gripped his bottle of mustard too tight. This resulted in a stream of mustard spraying him right in the eye, producing an onslaught of curses from the rough skeleton as he swiped at his face. Grillby shook his head and threw a spare rag his way, but otherwise offered no help to the skeleton.

 

_real fuckin' smooth._

 

Sans reached for it, accidentally grabbing a small and soft hand as you gathered up the rag, a light hearted chuckle passing your adorably pink lips. He squinted the one eye that wasn't full of mustard, glaring in confusion when you lifted the cloth towards his face. The action made his soul pound even harder as your hand drew closer and he could feel the droplets of sweat dripping along his skull.

 

There was a wry smile on your face when you dabbed at his skull and amusement twinkled in your eyes. Your movements were gentle and calculated, meticulously swiping away the spicy condiment while he had an inner meltdown from the proximity to the one that his soul was literally screaming for. Should he say something? Should he snatch the rag and do this himself? Should he tell you a _pun_?

 

_oh fuck oh fuck what do i do?!_

 

He wished you would say something, since his brain was turning to mush. "uh..."

 

What came out of your mouth shocked him to the core.

 

"You look like you are trying to _mustard_ up the _guts_  to say something." you lightly remarked, setting the yellow-stained rag down when you were satisfied with your work.

 

His eyes grew wide and he sucked in a breath through his sharpened teeth, leaning back as though you had hauled off and punched him: in a way, you _had_.  _Pun_ ched him, that is. From his reaction, it was your turn to act embarrassingly awkward, coughing into your hand and looking away, fixing your eyes on the shelf of liquor behind the bar. The noise from the bar was slowly drowned out by the excited buzzing in his head and all he came to focus on was you and _only_  you.

 

"holy fuckin' shit you're hot." The words were out of his mouth before he realized what he was saying. 

 

_what the fuck did i just say?_

 

Your expression morphed into surprise while he adopted a deer in headlights look. 

 

"I beg your pardon?" Your mouth echoed his thoughts in a much more eloquent phrasing.

 

"i- uh, _well._ gee i-i... um?" He stammered, the normally relaxed skeleton now a sweating mess of unintelligible words. "i was- er, just saying how... _nice_! you... look..?"

 

_good fuckin' grief, could i be anymore of a creep?_

 

Your brows lifted and a pointed look was sent towards your drenched reflection in the mirrored surface against the wall, but your mouth was still twisted in amusement. Sans could only assume that was a good thing since you weren't slugging him or backing away with a disgusted glower and he offered you a nervous grin. He couldn't help but wonder if your soul was reacting the same way as his; maybe that was why you haven't slapped him yet?

 

Sans listened raptly when you opened your mouth to speak. "I will take that as a... _Condiment_." 

 

There was a beat of silence before he erupted into hearty chuckles. "heheh. that was a good one: i dunno if i can _ketch-up_  to your level."

 

A raspy groan on the opposite side of the bar signaled the arrival of Grillby. " _Really?_  Don't you get sick of those damn puns?"

 

"i _relish_  each and every one." Sans shot his friend a look that would have sent a lesser monster scurrying, but he masked it with grin when you looked at him with a pleased smile. "let's get the lady some grub, grillbz." At your questioning glance, he felt his cheek bones tint red. "on me, dollface."

 

This made the elemental's pale eyes grow wide and his violet flames spark in interest. "... Coming right up."

 

Sans slapped the barstool next to him, motioning for you to take a seat as though you were old friends: hell, the feeling in his damn soul implied as much. " _mayo_  ask what a nice gal like you is doin' in a dump like this?"

 

Hanging your jacket on the hook beneath the bar in front of the seat, you slid onto the stool and clasped your hands together. " _Peppering_  me with question already? We have only just met."

 

Now relaxing into familiar territory, he rested his chin on his hand and grinned confidently at you. " _lettuce_  start over then. the name's sans: sans the skeleton."

 

Offering his free hand to you, the friendly smile you gave him made his soul skip a beat. "___. ___ the human. It is a pleasure to _meat_  you."

 

You gently gripped his hand and Sans reveled in the feeling of your smooth palm in his, noticing how small it was in comparison to his own. "wow, you're really a- _salt_ ing me with puns."

 

Your smile never faltered, even as he was still shaking your hand absently. "I do enjoy en _currying_  word play."

 

_stars i could kiss you right now_. He thought dreamily, his thumb circling your knuckles. _you're just too fuckin' perfect._

 

"Is that so?"

 

What little color drained from his face as the world seemed to halt with a record scratch and when he met your eyes, the spark of mirth told him that he said that out loud. He wrenched his hand away from you, his hands swiftly throwing the hood above his head in an attempt to hide from his mortification as he hunkered down into his coat defensively. A merciless cackle that sounded like crackling fire reached him, signaling that the bar owner had heard that little blurb when he was bringing their order over and he knew that he would never live the moment down for the rest of his life.

 

You thanked Grillby for the food. "My, it certainly looks delicious!" Normally, the flame monster would preen from the compliments, but it was followed up with a; "I can see why everybody makes a big _dill_  about the food here!"

 

Sans chortled in his coat when the bartender hissed in disgust at the pun and walked away. "he needs to _chili_  out."

 

You giggled and he peeked out from underneath his hood to see what you were doing, watching closely as you sampled the fries in front of you. His cheeks burned red when your tongue slipped out of your mouth, licking the salt from your lips and you eyed his bottle of mustard longingly. Without a word, he pushed it over and you squirted out a small dollop before returning it to him, dipping a warm fry into the sauce. Sans gulped thickly when you nibbled on it, eyes wandering around to take in the dim bar and he found himself grateful for how warm it was kept inside: he could only imagine how cold you would have been with those damp clothes.

 

Unfortunately, he was now stumped as to what he should say or do.

 

"Say..." Your voice came out as a drawl, and he finally poked his head out of his "shell" to look at you curiously. "Are you a fan of Plato?"

 

The question garnered a look of confusion from the skeleton. "never heard of 'im." 

 

He vaguely wondered if "Plato" was going to be a problem if he was going to try getting your affection: his soul clenched. If there was competition, he wouldn't have a problem knocking some teeth in on any i _diot_  that tried putting their mitts on _his_ human. The very thought made his soul burn with a jealous rage and he almost missed what you said next.

 

"He was a Greek philosopher: he's considered to be the figure that revolutionized western philosophy that would later lead to what we have now." You turned in your stool to face him, the plate of food forgotten. "You may be more familiar with Socrates, his teacher, or even his student; Aristotle."

 

Those names rang a bell. "yeah sure. what about them?"

 

You patiently continued. "One of Plato's works was called _The Symposium_ , a philosophical text. Quite old, really. It was dated around 385-370 B.C., though we are not exactly sure of the precise year."

 

_aw_ , he mused as you rambled on, _she's an educated nerd. i don't understand a fuckin' thing she's sayin'._

 

He was starting to zone out, simply staring at you while you talked about old men and Greek playwrights. " _The Symposium_  was themed around speeches made in a contest by a group of men to praise the name of Eros, the god of love and desire. In this particular work, Eros is portrayed as a god of an erotic form of love that would spur deeds of valor in men."

 

He barely caught what you said, but that last bit made Sans pay more attention. "reeeeally?"

 

The mischievous look in your eye said you put that bit of information out there on purpose. "Indeed. There is a particular reason I bring this up, if you would but humor me."

 

Sans was mildly impressed that you had him figured out that quickly, waving his hand for you to continue: he was pretty sure you could read _The Bee Movie_  script and he'd at least pretend to listen. His soul was just excited that you were paying attention to _him_. "yeah, alright. i'll bite."

 

"In this dialog, the speech of Aristophanes is heralded as one of Plato's most enlightening works." You crossed your legs at the knee, primly placing your hands on the joint and the skeleton found it hard to keep eye contact, sipping his mustard to help keep his red gaze upward. "It is a speech theorizing the creation of soulmates."

 

Whatever mustard Sans had sucked in was immediately spat out, coating the bar with the sauce and his saliva. From across the room, he could hear Grillby spitting profanities in a series of crackles and snaps not unlike a raging wildfire, but he paid it no mind as he whipped his head around to stare at you. An innocent look was on your face, along with a thinly veiled glimmer of "I know what's up" flashing behind your eyes.

 

He tried to play his mishap off as though it didn't happen, cooly remarking. "is that right?"

 

"Yes, he believed that the first beings were quite powerful: strong enough to topple the gods. These creatures possessed four arms, four legs and two faces, so Zeus split these beings in half: in body and soul. This was to explain the feeling of "completeness" that one might feel upon finding their other half."

 

Is _that_  what the singing in his soul was? He had found his other half and that made him feel _whole_? Better yet; were _you_  feeling this as well? If so, how were you speaking so calmly? What was the point of this story?! Sans wanted to reach out and shake you, demanding to know if you were feeling the pesky fluttering too.

 

"It was also said by Aristophanes that when these two halves find each other, there was to be a sense of unity: an unspoken understanding of one another that would bring a great sense of joy of euphoria." His breath caught in his throat at the description. "Of course, this is but one form of the soulmate phenomenon that is described in history."

 

His words came out in a whisper. "oh yeah?"

 

"Yes, if we move our sights to East Asia, we will come upon the term "Red String of Fate"." You dipped a hand down, brushing the tips along your ankle and Sans couldn't help but follow the movement. "In some instances, said thread is tied at the ankle and in others..." You reached over, grasping his hand in one of your own, using the other to trace his pinky finger. "The thread is bound to the little finger."

 

Sans sat stone stiff, afraid to move for fear of scaring you away and he spoke in a rushed slur. "izatso?"

 

You nodded. "This thread binds two souls together: no matter the distance or hardship, this red thread will never break." You trailed your fingertips along his own before releasing him, much to his disappointment. "Those tied together are destined to be lovers."

 

"whoa." was all he could manage.

 

Your serious expression switched into a playful facade, a challenging look in your eyes. "Now, I could bore you all night with similar stories, but it would not alter what I would ask at the end."

 

He blinked lethargically, then swallowed in an attempt to find his voice. "and what would ya ask, doll?"

 

"Why, I would ask if you believed in soulmates, Mr Skeleton."

 

If somebody had asked the cantankerous monster that before he met you, he would have laughed at them until they dug themselves an early grave. Literally an hour before you walked into the bar, he was giving Dogamy and Dogaressa shit about their supposed "soulmate bond". He'd poked fun at Undyne and Alphys until the crazy fish bitch came at him in a passionate rage of spears and suplexes. Laughed at every single idiot he saw with the perceived "weakness".

 

Now here you were, a pretty little human spouting off philosophical nonsense specifically about _soulmates_  and normally, he'd poke holes in the stories and theories until you'd run home crying. Instead, he was actually _listening_  to you and somehow, as his own soul reached out for you, he believed _every damn word you were saying._  He even glanced down at the pinky your hand caressed to see if he could spot the Red Thread of Fate that bound them together: because he just _knew_  that the two of you were meant to be.

 

So without hesitation, he said; "hell fuckin' _yeah_. i believe in 'em."

 

A look of pure kindness came over you and you leaned towards him with an enticing smile. "What was that you had said about kissing me?"

 

Sans didn't respond verbally: he reacted by surging forward, pressing his sharp teeth against your lips. Weaknesses be damned: his soul had never felt as happy as it did in the exact moment when your mouths came together and he made a brand new vow then and there. He was going to do _everything_ in his power to make you happy and keep you safe. The two of you were going to be the pair that people looked to and said; "Wow, they go together _perfectly_. Couldn't imagine a better match."

 

 You pulled away first, grinning when he tried to draw you back in and stopping him with a gentle press against his shoulder. "I suppose this means you felt it as well."

 

Slowly, Sans nodded, his hand reaching up to snag your own and he pressed his teeth against your knuckles like the newly-made sap he was. "y-yeah. felt like my soul was gonna fly outta my ribs."

 

You hummed in agreement, allowing him to hold your hand captive as you turned back to the plate of cooling fries. "You asked me what I was doing here."

 

Blinking, he vaguely recalled asking such a thing. "sure did, sweetheart."

 

Spotting a bottle of ketchup, you let out a sound of triumph and plopped a glob onto the plate. "As I was walking by, there was this tugging pull and I knew everything I had done up to this point was to bring me here. I knew that I was finally where I was supposed to be." 

 

"so... you had a gut feeling?" he inquired, genuinely interested.

 

Dipping a fry into the red condiment, you slyly looked over at him. "You could say I felt it from my head _tomatoes_."

 

Bursting into a fit of joyful laughter with you, Sans decided that he had changed his mind.

 

Love at first sight was _real_  and to hell with anybody that said otherwise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! I left it open ended because I miiiiight add on additional pieces here and there, should inspiration strike for this particular oneshot. I rather liked the Reader/Character and might expand on it... Hm.
> 
> Like what I do~? [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A0364H6B)  
> Got a question? Holla at my Twitter: @CrabbyMaiden
> 
> Until next time, dearies~! Ta~


	2. Schooled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sans semi-stalks you by showing up at your work unannounced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap I did not expect people to like this. But people did and I'm sitting here scratching my head and wondering why. I'm so flattered~!!!
> 
> I guess there's more to say about these dorks? Should I make this a series? Should I leave it alone?
> 
> Lemme know what you think! Enjoy~

 

Whomever said having a soulmate would be easy was a _goddamn liar._

 

The night you and Sans had met in the bar ended with a chaste kiss on the cheek bone and an exchange of numbers, much to the skeleton's chagrin. You insisted that the two of you got to know each other better before, ahem, _jumping each other's bones_ , as he had so readily offered. He didn't know if you were intentionally a cock-tease or what, but your idea of how things should happen was a hell of a lot different than his own: his idea would have ended with ripped clothes and a rut in the alleyway beside the bar. Then again, you were a classy lady and he supposed that you deserved to be treated in a classy way; no matter how much it made him want to bang his skull against the nearest wall.

 

So instead of consummating the realization of being soulmates, you had waved cheerily and set off for home, stopping a block later when you realized Sans was following you like a lost puppy. You had stopped three more times before finally getting him to go to his _own_  home, reassuring him that yes, he would see you again and no, the walk wasn't far and you would be alright. That left him staring after you dreamily as you walked away, admiring the unconscious sway of your hips that served as a reminder that he couldn't touch just yet.

 

This left him thinking about you nonstop for the rest of the night: from your perfect posture to your proper speech to your oh-so- _delightful_  jokes, he just couldn't get you out of his mind. He tried to imagine what color your soul was: his first thought was green, but watching you patiently explaining the meaning of the texts you were quoting had him leaning more towards light blue. There was also a chance that you were possibly purple, since you persevered through all his awkward-as-fuck bullshit last night, but it was less likely. He really wanted to look at your soul last night, but he didn't want to make himself out to be a bigger pervert than he already was.

 

Unfortunately, now that he was away from you, nothing but _dread_  filled him: he had so many enemies that you being attached to him was worse than taping a sign to your forehead that said " _dust me, bitches_ ". The thought of someone hurting you made him ill and furious at the same time: you were just too _weird_  and _quirky_  to kill!

 

Plus... You were _his_ , damnit! If anybody so much as _looked_ at you wrong, he'd destroy them in a heartbeat!

 

Of course, there was also the problem with your plan to take things slow; _your_ suggestion was to wait until the weekend to meet up again for a proper date. _fuck that_. He didn't know how _your_  soul was reacting to finding its soulmate, but _his_ was just one step away from dragging him by the collar to go find you and he wasn't going to be able to go long without hunting you down. You were lucky he didn't just follow you home and sneak into your damn house to kidnap you or _something_.

 

Hell if it wasn't incredibly tempting though.

 

No, he managed to stamp down those urges and even gave you until the next afternoon before he dropped everything he was doing to start sniffing you out of wherever you were hiding. It honestly wasn't all that hard either; Sans had been texting you all morning and you had told him that you had to get to class and couldn't talk for awhile. This led him to believe you were at the local university because he sure as fuck _hoped_  you weren't an underage high schooler: now _that_  would be a whole new level of pretty goddamn awkward that he just didn't want to deal with. 

 

Lucky for him, the pulling sensation on his soul got stronger when he went to the college, signaling that you were indeed, there.

 

It was all a matter of stalking the hallways of the campus until Sans found you outside an office, fumbling with a set of keys as a trio of girls approached you with an armload of books. His soul throbbed when he got to see you in all your glory now that you weren't completely soaked by a random downpour. Your hair was pinned into a stylish, yet calculatingly messy bun that allowed strands of your silky-looking hair to frame your face in a way that accentuated the shape and the tasteful makeup you had put on. Today you wore a white blouse that was tucked into a dark gray pencil skirt  and a black shawl was draped over your shoulders to combat the somewhat chilly after-rain day, but his red stare was drawn to your shapely legs that were darkened by hosiery.

 

He decided to just stand back and observe you as the girls gave a chorus of greetings that consisted of "Hello Professor!" and "How are you?" as you finally unlocked the room, allowing you to turn to address them. "Hello, ladies. Enjoying the beautiful weather today?"

 

The red head of the group giggled. "Professor, it's cold and wet out."

 

You smiled and wagged a finger at her. "Yes, but as Confucius once said; 'everything has its beauty, but not everybody sees it'." Suddenly, you turned your head to look directly at _him_ and your eyes softened. "Is that not so, Sans?" 

 

Startled that you caught him basically stalking you, he immediately cringed and began sweating profusely with a nervous twitch overtaking his hands. He fought the urge to teleport away then and there, forcing himself to respond without thinking. "i got my eyes on somethin' beautiful, but it ain't the weather, sweetheart."

 

The girls gasped scandalously, but you grinned. "I bet you say that to _all_  the girls."

 

Seeing that you didn't appear to be pissed that he was there, he allowed himself to relax and lean against the wall next to him casually. "nah, just the ones i got a _sole connection_  with."

 

Your cheeks became tinged with color, but you carried on, nodding. "I've not a _thread_  of doubt."

 

"you and me, doll? we got a _spark_ : i can feel it in my _bones_."

 

The students giggled at the exchange and you humored them when they asked you about a homework assignment, kindly directing them to a page in their textbooks that would help them answer it. The trio kept shooting curious looks at him at him, but he had his eyes trained on you as you patiently explained resources at the library that would also help them. He smiled easily, staring at you with starstruck eyes as he again, tried to imagine what color your soul was: watching you handle your students was confirming his thoughts that you may be a light blue soul. Your students- _wait one goddamn second._

 

In that moment, it dawned on Sans that they had called you _"_ _Professor"_ , and when you shooed the girls along so that you could return your gaze to him, he felt that "oh shit" feeling bubble up again. Amusement was plastered on your face as you looked over to where he was standing and he did his best to keep a poker face: his smile strained tight as sweat dribbled down his skull. You weren't going to call security on him, were you? He _really_  didn't think this through.

 

You opened the door and motioned him inside before speaking again. "Well, I suppose you could not wait two more days."

 

He snorted at you. "don't really think my soul would _let_  me."

 

A sound of understanding passed your lips as you settled behind the desk, gesturing to one of the seats: Sans sat on your desk instead. "I cannot fault you for that, after all, Confucius also said 'wheresoever you go, go with all your heart'."

 

Rolling his eyes, he looked around the office that you had decorated with varying historical replicas and knick-knacks. "nice setup ya got here, doll."

 

You, on the other hand, were eying him while deliberating to tell him to get off your desk before shrugging. "I am very fortunate to be here." Sans picked up an empty mug that read _"I'm a History Teacher: I'd find you more interesting if you were dead"_ and his brows shot up. Your cheeks burned red. "A colleague gave that to me for Christmas."

 

Tactfully, he decided not to comment on the mug. "so you're a history buff?"

 

It would actually explain why you quoted dead people and rambled on about nonsense he couldn't wrap his head around. 

 

"I am." You sounded pleased as your hands absently shuffled some papers and straightening them. "Another quote from Confucius is 'study the past if you would define the future'. Appropriate for my chosen profession."

 

"you sure like quoting that guy."

 

You chuckled. "I finished a lecture on him an hour ago, so it is fresh on my mind." You tilted your head at him. "May I inquire what you do for a living?"

 

Awkwardly, he readjusted his position. "a lotta odd and end jobs."

 

Seeing him react uncomfortably to your question, you simply said, "'Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life'." You set the stack of papers down and turned in your chair to open a mini fridge behind your desk. "Can I offer you anything?"

 

"got mustard?" A deadpan look from you was his answer. "a soda will do."

 

You passed him a can and pulled out a water for yourself, then you uncapped a red pen to begin attacking the papers in front of you. A comfortable silence fell over the two of you as you graded the schoolwork and while he slid off your desk, wandering around your office to mess around with the trinkets. From pottery to jewelry to an ancient bone dagger, there was a little bit of everything decorating the shelves in your office.

 

Shamelessly, Sans used this as a chance to learn more about you as his eyes roved over the countless books crammed onto a rickety shelf. It was obvious to see that you were passionate about your work just from the brief interactions he had with you and he had to admit that it was a charming quality. Granted, it made you weird as hell, quoting nonsense like holy scripture but on the other hand, he drank mustard like water so who was he to judge?

 

Glancing over his shoulder at you, he watched as you marked a paper and scribbled a note into the side margin. You were completely focused, your brow furrowed in thought as you worked and your lips puckered slightly in that same pout from the night before. Sans' soul lurched and he whipped his head back around to glare at the globe in front of him to help fight back the glowing red blush that dusted his cheeks. _why the hell were you so cute?_

 

Silently ordering his soul to knock it the fuck off, Sans grabbed a small, rectangular box from a shelf and studied it. It was covered in hieroglyphs with three rows of ten squares on top and on one side, there was a drawer. A few spaces were marked with symbols that left him half expecting that it was some form of haunted Egyptian box, but a quick peek in the drawer told him that it was just a board game. 

 

Remembering a movie he had watched with Papyrus a few weeks ago about a cursed board game, Sans quickly snapped the drawer shut. The action made you look up from your paperwork. "Is everything alright?"

 

"i-i... uh. _damn_  you got some neat shit." he half lied: the stuff you had might have been interesting if he knew what the fuck they were.

 

Your eyes fell on the box in his hands and you smiled. "Ah, _Senet_. Have you played before?"

 

Sans looked at you, to the box and back to you with a blank expression on his face. Grinning, you stood, stepping around your desk to approach him and took the game from him, smoothing your fingers over they symbols. He half expected you to snap at him for messing with your belongings, but you simply opened the drawer and collected the pieces from within.

 

He peered curiously into your palm to see the black spools and white cones that you held, but he couldn't grasp how to play just from looking at them. "nah. never heard of it."

 

"It is thought to be one of the oldest board games known to man, though this is often disputed amongst us historians." You brought it to your desk, setting the pieces along one of the rows, alternating between white and black. "The game could be seen depicted in many tombs, such as the high official Hesy-Ra, who was well know for his colorful reliefs and cedar paneling in his tomb."

 

Sans sat in a chair, propping his elbow on the desk so he could hold his head up. He gave you a lazy grin and barely tuned in to your historical babbles while casting you a half-lidded stare.  _sexy nerd alert. i'd tell her to shut up if she wasn't my soulmate._

 

"It is a representation of a Ka's journey to the afterlife." You pointed to the marked squares at the top. "These represent the different houses that you can travel through: Rebirth, Beauty, Water, Three Truths and Re-Atum. In this model, there is also the House of Horus, but you will be hard pressed to find this design in most manufactured pieces."

 

He shot the pieces a thinly veiled glare of disinterest as you returned to your chair. "so how do you play?"

 

"It is like Backgammon and Parcheesi. Very simple, really." You pulled four sticks from the drawer, each having a flat side and a rounded side. "We use these instead of dice and try to guide our pieces to the afterlife before the other player."

 

He looked bored. "riiight."

 

Smiling, you added, "Shall we play for stakes?"

 

The response was immediate. "fuck yeah. i win and we bone." Your brows shot straight up and he quickly amended. "i-i mean... er... we'll go on a date tonight?" 

 

You looked like you were trying your damnedest to not laugh. "And if I win?"

 

It was at that moment your colleague, an anthropologist that often argued with you over ancient Roman society, opened the door without knocking. "Hey, we were thinking about going out for drinks this weekend and- _oh shit!_ "

 

Sans had turned in his seat the moment the man walked in unannounced, his left eye glowing a violent shade of crimson as he glowered at the intruder. "do you _mind_."

 

You frowned at the wiry man, obviously not thrilled to have someone barge into your office. "Professor McLaughlin, you are aware that my office hours are from 3 to 5 pm. I fully expect my colleagues to respect this by acting _professional_  and _polite_. Knock before you enter, especially when I am preoccupied."

 

He gave you an unapologetic grin and pushed his glasses up. "Well, I was just so... Eager to invite you?"

 

"she's _pre_ _occupied_ , bozo." Sans snapped, bristling at the thought of you spending time with another _male_. Especially this skinny _dweeb_. "we got plans for the weekend."

 

He looked at you skeptically. "I... Find that hard to believe. You never go out, even when I beg you!" He paused and eyed Sans as what he said actually sunk in. "... Are you fraternizing with a _monster_?"

 

"is there a fuckin' _problem_ , you-"

 

"Sans and I have quite the excursion planned." You told the other professor simply, cutting off the skeleton's scathing remark while leaning back in your chair with your fingertips pressed together. "May I remind you that you entered my office quite rudely?"

 

McLaughlin smoothed his tie down with one hand, looking from you to Sans and he frowned. "Oh. Um. Right. So see you Saturday?"

 

A particularly vicious growl escaped Sans. " _scram_."

 

The door snapped shut in an instant, but Sans bared his teeth at it anyways as though it had personally offended him. Just who the hell did he think he was, coming in and asking _his_  soulmate to go out and have drinks with him!? The skeleton had no problem with breaking his twiggy little spine in _half_ if he kept eyeing you with those goo-goo eyes and he almost got up to give that _human_  a piece of his mind! Why, he oughta-

 

"I am terribly sorry about that." you said, leaning forward to place a hand over one of his own that was balled into a fist on the desk. "My colleagues enjoy partaking in drinks every weekend to celebrate "surviving the work week"."

 

He yanked his hand back as though he was burned. "yeah well if you had _plans_  why didn't ya say somethin'?"

 

Startled by the snarl directed towards you, you blinked and straightened. "I do not find the company of drunken teachers enjoyable, so I do not join them in their weekly ritual."

 

That sobered him out of his blind anger. "aw shit, sorry doll, i-"

 

"You are possessive due to our bond?" There was that damned twinkle of amusement again, glittering in your eyes as you motioned to the game. "I understand. Shall we pick up where we left off?"

 

He nodded mutely, feeling unusually ashamed for snapping at you and he wondered if the relatively new feeling was due to the aforementioned bond you shared. If he stopped to think about it, he was hard pressed to find a reason that you would actually tolerate him; he was crude, loud and at times, utterly obnoxious. How could a stand-up gal like you tolerate a slob like him? Sure, you literally just met and you can't really say for sure whether or not you like or hate someone in that amount of time, but _come on_! It was obvious just from looking at the pair of you that you two were complete and total opposites. 

 

That had to get old eventually, right?

 

Suddenly, he felt lost as you explained the rules of the game and he tried to make heads or tails of the situation. He hadn't even stopped to let it sink in that you were a _human_! One of the things he utterly _loathed_! Yet here he was, panting after you like a dog on a leash without a second thought and the idea that he just blindly followed his soul without giving a damn about the consequences made him queasy. What if his _boss_ found out..!?

 

_holy shit i'm so boned._

 

"You look worried." Your voice was soft and he looked up to find you staring at him thoughtfully. "I hope Professor McLaughlin's remark about you being a monster did not bother you."

 

He snorted. "that dipshit? nah. he ain't nothin' to think twice about."

 

You waited patiently for him to continue, but all he did was sweat nervously and fidget. "It certainly is a lot to take in, isn't it?"

 

Sans blinked, furrowing his brow in confusion. "huh?"

 

You nodded towards him. "Last night you were a bachelor and now you are stuck with an oddity such as myself: a human, no less. Truly, I would not be offended if you wished to have nothing to do with me. After what you have been through, I would not hold it against you."

 

It took him a moment to understand what you were talking about, then he realized that you had started to fall along the same line of thought as him. Taking a good long look at you, he could see the crease of worry that lined your forehead and it hit him like a freight train that _you_  were thinking that maybe he didn't really want anything to do with you just because you were of the same race that trapped his people Underground. You were scared that _he didn't want you_  and it was obvious if he just opened up his damn eyes and actually _looked_  at you.

 

Granted, before he met you, he would have been completely disgusted with the idea of being soulmates with a human, but now that it happened... He really couldn't fight the fact that it felt so _right_. Like two puzzle pieces that clicked together perfectly. Like hot dogs and mustard. Like... Goddamnit you two _belonged_  together and he'll be damned if he let something get in the way of that. For the first time, it seemed like something was going right and he wasn't about to let any doubt get in the way of that.

 

When Sans spoke, it was in a low, gravelly voice that sent shivers up and down your spine. "lemme set the record straight, sweetheart..."

 

Slowly, he stood up and fast as lightning, his hand snapped forward and grabbed your wrist, yanking you forward. With a yelp, you lurched forward in your chair, half laying over the desk while he leaned his face closer to yours. "you're _mine_. like it or not. there ain't nothin' or nobody that's gonna get in the way of that and now that i got ya, i ain't _never_  gonna let ya outta my sight."

 

"O-oh." You breathed, eyes wide but unafraid. 

 

"you are _mine_. understand?" In a daze, you nodded and he shook you roughly. " _got it_?"

 

You gasped. "Y-yes. Of course!"

 

Sans pressed his teeth against your lips to assert his point, then released you and watched as you plopped backwards into your seat gracelessly. You appeared winded with your cheeks flushed a pleasant shade of pink, and you took a moment to push a lock of hair from your face as you regained your composure. He decided that he liked it when your lips were reddened from his kisses and his hands twitched with the urge to grab you and do it again, but he forced himself to sit down with a pleased smirk.

 

Clearing your throat, you said, "I am glad we clarified that. Erm..." Helplessly, you passed him the casting sticks for the game. "The first move is yours."

 

Recalling that you had basically agreed to go on a date _that night_ if he won, Sans took the sticks with a mischievous grin. "prepare to lose, doll."

 

After a long and arduous battle, Sans won purely by cheating. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in learning how to play Senet, or you'd like to know more, check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikfRHqw46jE
> 
> Again, I'm super flattered people like this. Gah... I hope this second part is as good as the original bit~!!
> 
> Like what I do~? [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A0364H6B)  
> Got a question? Holla at my Twitter: @CrabbyMaiden
> 
> Until next time, dearies~! Ta~


	3. Motherhecking Muffet's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dating START!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you mean i've been dead for months

 

_what the fuck did i get myself into?_

 

Sans sweat heavily as he sat across from you in a dimly lit restaurant, doing his best to avoid eye contact with you as he glared at the other patrons. Monsters and humans alike littered the establishment, the simple, yet elegant decor and affordable prices making it a hotspot for dates, along with the selection of desserts and wines. Hell, he even saw Dogamy and Dogaressa making out over in the corner, so he couldn't _really_  say he was surprised that when he gave you free range of where to go, this is what you chose. It was a logical choice after all and it was close to the university to boot.

 

A spider skittered by while carrying a tray of cider and to your credit, you appeared more curious than terrified. "Oh how adorable; they wear matching bow ties!"

 

Of all the places you could have picked it just _had_  to be motherfucking _Muffet's_.

 

Casting you a strained grin, Sans nodded amicably. "know what ya want, doll?"

 

That brought your attention back to the menu in your hands and he prayed to Asgore's god-awful beard that Muffet wasn't going to poison the two of you. "Oh dear. I have never been here before, is the risotto good? The ravioli sounds... _Interesting_  as well."

 

You weren't sure what to make of the fact that literally every menu item stated "Made with Spiders". Maybe it was a typo and they meant "Made _by_  Spiders"?

 

After a moment of deliberation, Sans said, "the ravioli is _pasta_ bly the better choice."

 

"I cannot _wheat_  to try it." You eyed the drink selections and was equally overwhelmed. "Perhaps I should just have you order for me. I trust you would know what is best."

 

Your comment made his soul flutter and his chest puff out, so he wasted no time in grabbing the attention of a nearby spider to bark out an order. He didn't really care what he got, but he did make sure to order wine in a vague attempt to see what you'd be like drunk and was pleased when you didn't protest the idea, though he did catch a slight quirk of your brow. You did, however, ask for a glass of water when you passed the menu back to spider, but otherwise kept quiet until it was gone.

 

Hopefully you would get drunk enough to agree to letting him go home with you. Or was that a bad idea?

 

You sat primly in your seat, taking your napkin and folding it in your lap. "This is nice."

 

Inside, he was screaming, but he kept himself composed. "is it?"

 

"Indeed." You placed your hands in your lap and it made him realize he had been leaning on the table with both elbows. "I would normally be grading papers until I go home for dinner. Tonight, I get the pleasure of dining in your company."

 

Sans' cheeks burned red and he self-consciously removed his elbows from the table to shove his hands in his pockets. "y-yeah, sure. ssss'whatever."

 

You smiled kindly, but seemed nervous as well when an awkward silence fell over the two of you. This prompted you to blurt; "Knock knock!"

 

The look on your face morphed into embarrassment and you lifted a hand to cover your mouth sheepishly, but a grin instantly bloomed on his face. "who's there?"

 

You relaxed somewhat, but still seemed abashed by what you said. "Woo."

 

"woo who?" he echoed, leaning forward to hear the punchline better.

 

At this point, you looked down at your lap, your face burning a brilliant crimson as you mumbled, "Don't get too excited; it's just a knock knock joke."

 

Sans chortled. "knock knock."

 

You didn't look up. "Who is there?"

 

"honeydew."

 

_oh fuck. why did i pick that one!?_

 

This piqued your curiosity and you peeked up through your eyelashes in a way that made his soul stutter. "Honeydew who?"

 

"honeydew ya know how fine you look?"

 

_shoot me now. fuckin' shoot me now. dust my stupid ass-_

 

Your laugh was startled out of you and the tension that had started to build in your shoulders seemed to melt away. "You are quite the charmer, aren't you?"

 

"i'm only a charmer if it's workin', doll." His grin came more easily and he hung an arm over the back of his chair. "ya don't look charmed just yet."

 

"I can assure you that I am." You politely thanked the spider that placed your water and his bottle of mustard on the table, pouring wine into two glasses for both of you. "Monster wine?"

 

"mmmmhhmm." Sans reached for his own glass and noted how you delicately picked up your own by the stem to swirl it around. "familiar with it?"

 

He almost felt clumsy in comparison, grabbing it by the bowl of the glass and tossing it back like a shot. Should he mimic your actions to at least _pretend_  he has class? He lowered it before he drained it all in one go, wondering if he should sip at it instead. _i'm gonna have a stroke before i figure this shit out._

 

"I seem to recall colleagues saying it was rather potent for humans." You mused, bringing the glass to your nose to smell it. "A few glasses was enough to... Well, I suppose the common term is " _hammer them_ "."

 

Sans half choked on his drink, having not expected you to use that term when you seemed to speak in a _dated_  fashion. "y-yeah. it's... erm. uh... w-well it's pretty strong. just, uh, don't go crazy with it?"

 

You tilted the glass slightly, pressing it to your lips so you could taste the dark red liquid with a small sip. He gulped thickly when you set the glass back on the table, your tongue darting out quickly to catch a stray drop of the wine. Gulping thickly, he drained the last of his glass and pointedly went back to glaring at the other patrons to avoid reaching over and mashing your faces together in a kiss. He caught Dogaressa looking their way and elbowing Dogamy to draw his attention away from his food so that he could see where she was looking.

 

Sans bared his teeth at them, making a cutting motion across his neck that made them quickly avert their gazes to their food. _fuckin' idiots._

 

You failed to notice the silent threat he issued, tracing your finger along the stem of your glass thoughtfully. "It is a bit dry, but not unpleasantly so." 

 

He quickly looked back at you, momentarily confused. "what? oh yeah. s'pretty good, ain't it?"

 

"Quite enjoyable, in moderation. I would not wish to make a fool of myself."

 

Chuckling, he ended up leaning on the table again. "gettin' a lil tipsy never hurt nobody, sweetheart."

 

"Ah, but I have to walk home, Mr Skeleton." Your lips twisted into a wry smile. "Though I suppose if you see no harm in it, then perhaps I _shall._ Perhaps the neighbors will enjoy my drunken shenanigans?"

 

That train of thought made him decide that getting you drunk was now _not_  a good idea and he felt dread creep up his spine when you lifted the glass and took another small sip. He could just imagine you accidentally drinking too much and some _creep_  taking advantage of you as you walked home or mugging you or- _shit_. Why didn't he just go ahead and lock you in his room again?

 

"I know how to pace myself, Sans." You looked amused as you now sipped at your water. "And surely you would not allow me to walk home by myself in such a state."

 

"uh. yeah. i wouldn't." he muttered, using his napkin to swipe at the sweat pooling across his forehead and he quickly changed the subject. "so what got ya into _history_? ya just a nerd or what?"

 

Again, your cheeks dusted red. "I-I... My grandfather was... Um..."

 

It was his turn to lift his brows, as this was the first time he's seen you at a stammering at a loss for words. "your grandfather was what? a history professor?"

 

"O-oh no! Not at all. He preferred the Arts over studying history. He.. Um. He was quite the fan of..." Your eyes shifted to the side and your bottom lip puckered in a pout. _"Indiana Jones"_."

 

Sans couldn't hold in the laughter, holding his stomach as he guffawed loudly and slammed a fist on a table. "y-you _ha_ \- what? the fuckin' whip crackin' guy?"

 

Your face was practically glowing from your heated blush. "Yes, the _"_ _whip cracking guy"_! I admired his tenacity to further his research of the past while stopping hooligans in the process!"

 

"fuckin'-!!" Sans pressed a hand against his forehead, his laughter becoming loud enough to draw stares from the rest of the restaurant. " _"_ _hooligans"_? did ya just call nazis " _hooligans_ "!?"

 

You shushed him and righted the tableware that he had knocked awry. "I was a teenager!" 

 

"aw fuck, sweetheart! you're _too much_." he let out breathlessly, wiping a tear from his eye. " _hooligans_... heh."

 

You shook your head. "It is not that funny. Besides, it was not the _entire_  reason I did it."

 

Holding his hands up in surrender, you both paused in your conversation to allow the spider to place your respective meals before you. "sure, sure. whatever ya say, doll."

 

He couldn't believe a girl like you existed: you became a professor because of some _movie_  your grandpa liked? That was the kind of logic he could get behind and watching your face burn while you pouted just made him want to _melt_. Could you get any cuter? 

 

Shaking your head again, you eyed the plate of ravioli before you, noting that it looked harmless enough despite being "made with spiders". You used a knife and fork to cut one in half just to check the inside for surprises and again, found nothing that screamed "there's a spider in here!", so you politely waited for Sans to lift his fork before taking a bite. He, on the other hand, was sniffing his pasta for signs of poison before digging in.

 

Once you finished chewing, Sans noticed that your lips formed a perfect "o" and he was half afraid that your plate _had_  been poisoned. "uh... ya okay there?"

 

You thoughtfully took another bite, chewing carefully and swallowing silently, which only served to make him panic slightly. _did muffet really try poisoning us_?! He almost jumped over the table to force you to throw up but the look on your face said you were trying to think of a way to describe something, so he forced himself to stay seated.

 

He then watched you blink and open your mouth to talk, but before you could say anything, someone else spoke up. "Fufufufu... Sansy, I never thought I'd see you in my restaurant again."

 

Both of you looked up and Sans cursed internally when he saw _motherfucking Muffet_ herself standing next to their table with a bottle of wine in hand. "er..."

 

"And who is this little treat?" Muffet cooed, leaning in close to you while pouring more wine into your glass. "I've never seen you before..."

 

"Oh, Sans and I have only met just recently. I did not know he was friends with the owner of this establishment!"

 

_oh fuck we should probably bail. this was a fuckin' terrible idea. abort, doll, abort!_

 

You did not abort and instead, continued talking as friendly as ever. "It is quite delightful! Truly, I am ashamed I have not come here sooner!"

 

Muffet seemed baffled by your words, leaning away and absently pouring wine into Sans' glass as well, but he pointedly drank his mustard instead. "Oh, so you're finding everything to your liking?"

 

The smile you gave her was nothing short of radiant. "Yes! I will be returning for certain! You could say that you've... caught me in your _web_!"

 

Sans immediately choked on his mustard while holding back a laugh.

 

This made the spider-woman flat out recoil in shock, pressing one of her many hands against her chest. "O-oh! Is that so..?"

 

"Indeed! I will certainly recommend this to my colleagues as well."

 

Muffet soaked in the compliments with an overly pleased grin and turned to Sans with a look of distaste. "Where have you been hiding this deary? Fufufu..." With a hiss, she slapped his elbows off the table and added, "Maybe she could teach you a thing or two about _manners_."

 

The skeleton bared his teeth at her, his eye flashing threateningly. "been hiding her from _you_ , bug."

 

Sans caught you looking at him with a slightly furrowed brow, but you were quick to diffuse the rising tension between the two. "Do you by chance have a spare menu I could share with my colleagues? Or perhaps a business card?"

 

Jumping on the chance for free advertisement, Muffet pulled a neatly folded menu and a few business cards from her apron. "Fufufu... Tell them to come soon~ I do love seeing new treats..."

 

You tucked them safely into your purse. "I will! Thank you very much."

 

With a look too calculating for his liking, the spider monster smoothed a hand over your hair and asked, "What is your name? I don't believe I caught it..."

 

"___ the human. It is a pleasure to meet you... Muffet, I presume?"

 

She nodded. "Yes, I'm Muffet. It's so nice to meet you deary~" A blank glance was cast towards him and she added, "I'm afraid I must carry on now... Enjoy your meal!" With that said, Muffet flounced off to continue surveying the restaurant and Sans patted his pockets to make sure his wallet was still there.

 

"hey, check your wallet."

 

Giving him a quizzical look, you obliged. "It appears to still be a wallet."

 

Sans huffed, leaning back in his chair as he once again shot dirty looks to anybody that dared to stare at the duo. This dinner date was a terrible idea; too many eyes that would see the two of you together and use the information to try getting at the short skeleton. For the most part, he tried to keep tabs on the others, _especially_  ones that would go straight to his boss so he could corner them later to either beat them to a pulp or straight up dust them. And now that _motherfucking_ _Muffet_  herself came and got acquainted with you, that was-

 

"Sans, are you alright?" Your worried voice cut through his train of thought and he realized you had yet to continue eating. "You are looking... Stressed."

 

He straightened his back and forced himself to look at you with a wide grin plastered in place, but he couldn't stop the beads of sweat that rolled down his skull. "w-what? who, _me_? stressed? nah, sweetheart! you, uh, got it all wrong! i ain't _stressed_ , or uh, nothin'."

 

Your eyes flickered towards the monsters he had previously been glaring at. "Would you perhaps be more comfortable if we took our food elsewhere?"

 

"n-nah, darlin'. s'just hot in here is all-" Despite his words, she was already waving a spider over.

 

"It is rather stuffy in here. Shall we make this a picnic instead?" You smiled at him gently, politely asking the spider for containers to place the food in.

 

_god i could kiss this woman._

 

"I do believe you have mentioned that, but it is sweet of you to reaffirm the sentiment."

 

Immediately, Sans turned a brilliant crimson as you took the boxes and the check from the spider and began to scrape the food inside. The urge to punch himself in the face was only overpowered by his need to hunker down into his coat to hide from his embarrassment. What kind of idiot can't even keep his stupid trap shut? 

 

He was lucky _you_  didn't seem to mind his antics, but it embarrassed him to hell and back.

 

Carefully, you stacked the boxes and delicately finished your wine, following it with a sip of water. After that, you folded your napkin and set it on the table, proceeding to reach for your wallet that had Sans in a panic to whip his out and snatch the check away before you could even consider trying to pay. Your brows shot up and you pulled out a your card anyways, but he bared his teeth and yanked out a wad of cash, slapping the appropriate amount together with the check.

 

"I would not mind allowing you to handle the tip." You remarked, your voice laced with amusement as you reached for the check.

 

He yanked it further away. "not on my watch, doll. it was _my_  idea, so it's my treat."

 

You continued to reach for it. "Perhaps we can split it."

 

The moment your hand got in range, he snapped his teeth at your fingers, albeit playfully. "no way."

 

You both jumped as Muffet passed by, plucking the money from his hand and airily taunting. "And I thought you hated humans, Sansy. Fufufufu..." Directed to you, she said, "Please come again, deary, and bring some new treats."

 

Sans immediately went to stand with the intentions of lashing out at her and you seemed to catch on quickly. Before he could get a single step from the table, your hand snapped out and grabbed his, shoving the boxes of food into his possession and stood with your bag. He blinked in surprise, peering up at you as a small voice in the back of his mind taunted him for being nearly a foot shorter than you and it only served to fuel his annoyance at Muffet.

 

He opened his mouth to tell you to wait a moment so he could squash the bug, but your radiant smile made him snap it shut.

 

"Shall we get this evening underway?"

 

_... damnit. i can't say no to that smile._

With that, the two of you stepped outside and he watched you take a a deep breath of the crisp, after-rain air. He wasn't quite sure what you had in mind, but you turned and began walking down the sidewalk, leading them towards a destination that only you knew. The sky was beginning to grow dark and street lamps began to flicker on, bringing him to grumble moodily, but otherwise he kept quiet as the two of you walked.

 

You, on the other hand, rambled.

 

It was adorable too, how you jumped from subject to subject. One moment you would be animatedly telling him about an 800 year old chess piece discovered in Norway and the next you were happily describing the possible discovery of an ancient version of a crayon in Scarborough, North Yorkshire. He didn't really have a clue what you meant or where these places were but hey, now he knew an older form of crayons were made from ochre and were more like chalk pastels than the waxy sticks they made today.

 

_ya learn somethin' new every day, i guess._

It was nice to just listen to you, he decided as you carried on about anything and everything. There was a certain hum to your soul that excitedly buzzed about when you let yourself carry on about such subjects and it was _soothing_  to him. You were happy to chatter about it and it reflected in your soul, which turned around and calmed his bitter, grumpy self. 

 

_that'd be swell to come home to,_  he thought dreamily as you sat down, patting the seat next to you.

 

Rapidly blinking and shaking his head, he balked when he realized that you had brought him to the fountain of a trio of angels that sat at the center of your college campus. He had lost track of how long the two of you had been walking and he hoped that you hadn't thought he was _ignoring_  you and-

 

You laughed. "I do not bite. Please, sit."

 

He dropped his bony ass down next to you and cleared his throat. "i uh... geez, n-nice night, ain't it?"

 

A dark blush bloomed over his cheekbones when your eyes crinkled in amusement. "It is a beautiful night."

 

_not as beautiful as you-_

 

He nearly slapped himself for thinking something so corny and shoved your container of food in your lap before he could embarrass himself by saying something stupid and overly-sappy. You simply grinned at him as though you had heard his thoughts, but didn't say anything as the two of you dug into your food. The companionable silence that fell over the two of you allowed for him to settle down and figure out a direction to take the conversation. 

 

This left him shoving his food in his mouth mindlessly as his eyes darted around for something to say. Maybe he should throw out a couple puns? Oh! He could ask about how you liked life in the city- _no_. That was lame. He could give you a compliment! Isn't that what that stupid dating manual of Papyrus' said? Maybe...

 

Sans' eyes locked onto the sky that was alight with stars and the word vomit began to tumble out of his mouth. "black holes don't suck."

 

_really?_

 

You nearly dropped your ravioli at his sudden and rushed statement. "What?"

 

_so much for not saying anything stupid._

He nearly threw his food down and teleported away, but he gulped and decided that he could recover from the blunder by explaining himself. Yeah. That would help... Right? Hopefully you didn't think he was an absolute maniac after this. Could he act any weirder? This had to get old for you eventually.

 

"t-they, uh... well. y-ya see, black holes don't _suck_  stuff in like no vacuum cleaner. that would imply they use suction ta draw stuff in. they... er, vacuums have fans that create air pressures in the thingy that are lower than what's outside. the greater pressure shoves air in the tube and picks up dirt and crap in the process."

 

_why am i such a bonehead?_ why? _i'm on a date and talkin' about goddamn vacuum cleaners._

 

When he noticed you were patiently listening while eating and nodding for him to continue, he cautiously carried on. "see, black holes don't involve no suction action-" _oh god that was dirty. shut up you freak!_  "w-well, uh... matter is bein' pulled in by a gravitational attraction, ya know? it just kinda floats in like it's pulled in on a fishin' line. i know it seems like small stuff but... uh... scientifically it's totally different from a vacuum."

 

He had to resist the urge to hide in his hood and did his best to act natural. Even though he was shaking so nervously that he just jabbed the side of his mouth with his fork.

 

You finished chewing before you spoke, placing the container aside. "You study astronomy?" He gave a mute nod, thoroughly embarrassed. "If you would not mind, I would rather like to hear more."

 

He whipped his head to look at you, abandoning his food as well. "what?"

 

You gave a nervous chuckle. "I am afraid I am not well-versed in the stars as I should like. I have studied ancient astronomers, but I have not studied astronomy myself." You placed a hand over his and smiled kindly. "You seem as though you truly enjoy it."

 

"mhm. when we came to the surface, first thing we saw was the sun settin'," he admitted, turning his hand over to hold your own and he looked up at the sky. "the others ran down the mountain, but i stayed up there till the stars came out."

 

He felt you scoot closer slowly, looking up as well while leaning against him. "I cannot blame you. "If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years, how man would marvel and stare". I almost feel... Ashamed, for not paying them much heed."

 

Sans couldn't help tilting his head to press a kiss against your lips and murmured, "ya gotta make up for lost time then, don'tcha dollface?"

 

It was your turn to blush, pressing a hand against your chest as you stammered. "Y-yes..! I-I suppose you are right."

 

He grinned, leaning back and pointing to the sky. "we'll start with jupiter."

 

Sans couldn't deny the elated feeling in his soul as he began to tell you all about the stars and the warmth in his bones when you rested your head on his shoulder.

 

Sure, he was awkward around you, but at this moment? 

 

It felt like he did everything just right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand that's a wrap!
> 
> Just kidding. I may be able to barf out one more thingy for this before I'm ready to let it be. Though I do have to apologize for not having this out sooner: to put it bluntly, I had gone through a rough patch and it affected my ability to write. Howeeever~ I can't say the next part will be out sooner or later as that depends entirely on my muses smiting me with inspirational lighting. 
> 
> Also, my headcanon for Sans is a midget *shot* I don't see anything wrong with people imagining it's a bara!sans but... Uh... smol snas is cutest snas (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
> 
> Until next time dearies~ Ta~
> 
> Like what I do~? [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A0364H6B)


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